I have reached the end of 12 Monkeys. Four seasons. It was only a total of 47 episodes.

The mostly non-spoilery version: if you didn't watch this show, or you gave up early in s1, I recommend you try at least the full first season. I nearly gave up in s1, but I didn't, and each season was better than the last.

OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS SHOW! I feel bereft without it! I can't remember the last time I felt that way about a show that had a full run and ended. I was starting to have that feeling when The Expanse was canceled, but they weren't done telling their stories. 12 Monkeys has told its (many, complicated) stories, and yet I still want more. But I can't have more. (I've read a little fic and concluded it's generally better not to do so.)

As I said, I almost quit in s1. It wasn't a promising start: Cole kidnaps a woman, ties her up, and falls in love with her—and she feels drawn to him? The world will be destroyed by a crazy woman, also drawn to Cole? There are three important women characters, but one of them isn't even in the same time as the other two, and the other two hardly speak except about men? Plus, it's very violent from start to finish.

But ok: I kind of fell in love with Cole too. Even while I mocked him: called him a caveman (watch him eat in s1), made fun of his resistance to planning. I thought Jones was a heck of a herk, but slowly, she began to impress me. I liked Cassie from the start. It took me more than a season to warm up to Jennifer.

It helped tremendously when the women started speaking to each other and I really grasped that Jennifer was not crazy, or to the extent that she was mentally ill, it was a reaction to living in impossible circumstances: a murderous mother, a father who framed her for murder, and being primary on top of it all. I'm tremendously impressed with Emily Hampshire's performances. I hope I see her again.

And Jones! I had become very attached to her in the second season, and certainly by the third season, when it looks like she'll die. But the fourth season? She was AWESOME. Facing down Nazis! Going into the lion's den to trick Olivia into moving Titan to 1491 to act as an anchor! And grappling with the discovery that James, whom she had clearly begun to consider a son, was actually her grandson—while dealing with the grief of losing her daughter. Barbara Sukowa is also amazing.

Kudos to Aaron Stanford for making me love a caveman who spends most of first season dealing with his problems by trying to kill people, except for Cassie. And I loved Cole's relationship with José Ramse, from its start right to the part where they shoot their way into Titan to the sound of "I've Had the Time of My Life." I never really cared for that song, to be honest, but now I'll laugh every time I hear it!

Amanda Schull just kept digging deeper and deeper. She made Cassie's transformation from someone who didn't want anyone to die into a truly ruthless killer quite believable. And she made me believe the inevitable temptation scene where she almost lets the Red Forest happen (which was one of the weakest parts of writing in the finale, I thought).

I was so glad to see Ramse again! I didn't expect to see him the way we did; I thought James really would undo killing him and was quite upset that he didn't. But then he undoes all the killings he did, so that's all right.

And Deacon! If you'd told me even last season I'd cry when Deacon was beheaded and cheer when we saw him again, I'd think you'd been spending too much time with Jennifer Goines.

I loved how everything fit together from the first season to the last. And I'm going to brag that I always knew James wasn't the serpent but the demon, but then I have to admit: I wouldn't follow the riddle to its logical conclusion. I wouldn't believe that they had to erase him from time to undo it all. I knew all along we'd end up in the Keys, but they really hit us over the head with that. (And I don't think they know what the Florida Keys look like, or there's just nothing suitable in Canada.)

I love that Jennifer promised to make a unicorn, and by golly, in the reset timeline, she did.

I love that José has his son, and Jones has her daughter (and even her husband, though he's clearly less important), and even Deacon has his brother.

I love all the love stories—the romantic love, the love of parents and children. I love that mothers became so important, and they gave us different kinds of mothers, when tv shows are generally obsessed with fathers and mothers are often the butts of jokes (or impossibly wise people). I love the different friendships they developed.

I miss these characters, but I'm glad they got a happy ending. I had a little trouble accepting it at first after four years of misery! But the writers played fair: they hinted at what they were doing all along.
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